Technical jokes

1) Knowledge of IT

 A  guy  from an Indian village who was working in an IT  company wanted to resign from the company. So, he wrote a resignation letter to the company giving reasons.

Dear manager,

I  have decided to resign  your company as I was  unhappy with many of the things here. As you have made it mandatory to give 6 reasons  if  I  resign before a year, I place those in front of you.

A)     The only knowledge  of computer I had before joining ( for which you recruited me)

was  that I played online and offline games (NFS, Angry Bird, CS). Here I   would    secretly play   solitaire   only   and   was warned for that too.

B)     Your  rooms/cubicles are so congested  that I cannot walk , talk , sit or stand properly. I am used to  sitting   in  class rooms at my school/college  which  were so big that we sometimes  played cricket, kabaddi, kho kho  inside. Also ,your toilets are so small that  even an LKG   kid cannot  do number  1 and 2.  I did those in spacious open fields.

          

C)     You ask me not to share password, PC, programs or any other document with others.

But I shared Pencil, Rubber, Pen, notebook, textbook, calculator and tiffin box with all my friends.

D)     I would drink only cow’s and buffalo’s milk once at my home. Here you made me to drink  that tasteless  machine made coffee  10 times a  day.

E)     Everyone must   address   others by their names and not Sir / Madam, that     is  your rule. I am spoilt very much by this rule which is against what  I was taught by

my grandfather and also in 1^st standard. I am so used to it by now that I am  blamed for addressing my father, mother, uncle, aunt and even my grandfather by their names.

F)     You make me to sit in the office for 14 hours a day including shifts  and pay me so less salary  at the end of the month. If I calculate that  way, the  woodcutter or   carpenter in my village gets more rupees  per hour.

Considering all these reasons please accept my resignation.

Thanks and regards,

Bittu

 2) Indian Scientists

 An international science conference held  in Singapore was attended by top scientists and diplomats  from all countries. A man from Australia asked his Indian friend “I hope there are many Indians  here but it is hard to recognise them among the mass .”

 “It’s so simple”,  said  his Indian friend..

 Just make  a small  announcement -  “We have arranged  free dinner for all at ground floor. desserts  are limited.”

  

3) Robot 

An Indian  scientist , married for 10 years,  was fed up with his wife and  decided to make a women robot  to replace her.  He tried his best, but faced the following challenges

 in designing and developing  it and finally dropped the idea

                              

 -To recreate  the exact  statistics and prettiness  of  her,   that  existed  on their wedding day.

 -An audio device  for voice   modulations according to right situations and emotions.

 -A  paper scanner to decide which   piece of paper in the pocket to throw and which  one to keep safely  before washing a trouser.

 -weighing machine  to weigh  and  pour  the  right amount of sugar in coffee and salt in curry  as per  his mood.

 -face and character  identification   of  a vegetable vendor and decide whether  to pay him  Rs 25 or 20   for 1kg tomato.

 -A video sensor to  decide which videos are safe to watch for kids and when to change the TV channels.

 -To make a memory device to remember and tell exactly  the place where he has kept his mobile, spectacle or car keys.

--A smoke detector alarm  that can differentiate between  cigarette smoke and one coming from  burnt milk or cloth.

  

 

9)    These days it has become a trend for all  film stars and celebrities to  tweet  all aspects of their life  on twitter.  Animals got inspired by these tweets and have  started to tweet among themselves.
14th oct 2013 

11:20 am .Crow said:  A true life adventure of me  with  stone and water has become a story and  I can find it  in class II   text books .Hurray..!

13:40 pm The monkey said : Getting death   threats    from the banana shop owner since morning .living in fear.
14:20 pm The elephant said : Attended the Jumbo sawari function in mysore, was really excited while carrying the maharaja on my shoulders. 

15:20 pm The squirrel said : It is  really annoying for me. I can’t find a tree to live in, They have cut all the trees. should do something to stop deforestation. 

15:35 pm The dog said : (@ squirell) Ya..ur right. Even I’m not finding a place to piss. All I do now is search for a car wheel. 

16:10 pm The Horse  said : Going to reveal my fiancés   name. “I love you  nightmare.
“You are a special person in my life.!”. Having  a nice race together.

16:30 pm The rat  said : just got the news that our guru , the  chief rat  died in the store room because of food  poisoning . Very Sad to hear, may his soul rest in cheese.

16:35 pm The cockroach said : Ya, iv e heard that news. I fell ill once too
because of the same culprit -  mortein.                    .          

17:35 pm The dog said :  Got a special gift from my boss for dushera .  Two  packs of pedigree biscuits. Buy  one get one free offer, I think. feelin hungry and getting  ready to eat.

18:45 pm The cat  said : (@dog) I  just  had some fish bones for lunch. feeling like eating something. , can’t go out as its raining me s  and you s. 
15th oct 2013 

8:20 am The ant said : The attack on our army in the  early hours of the today by 
joggers at the park is condemnable and a breach of conduct.


8:35 am The snake said : happy to know the arrival of my nephews to the world    
this morning. Siamese twins; one tail ,  two heads